February 2011
9 posts
6 tags
Android's seven points of cognitive dissonance
Psychologists should start an in-depth study of Android fans, because said fans seem to be entirely immune to the phenomenon of cognitive dissonance.
Note here that “Android fan” does not mean a person who owns an Android phone. “Android fan” more accurately means “Android evangelist”, i.e. the kind of geek who gets grated glass in his e-vagina any time a tech...
6 tags
Incredible shrinking me
I started 2011 at 191.1 pounds (~87 kg). That was way higher than I wanted it to be, so I committed to getting that excess goo off of my frame. I don’t go to the gym, I don’t eat “health food”, and I still have a couple beers every day. But by keeping very close watch on my daily food intake via an app on my iPhone called Lose It!, and by taking my dog down to the...
3 tags
Bring on the e-books
Most of the people I talk to, even those who are otherwise geeky and more than willing to embrace new technologies just because they’re cool, are reluctant to embrace e-books. “There’s just something about having a book in your hands,” these people say, “and no electronic book can match that. Plus, it’d hurt my eyes staring at a screen for that long.”
...
3 tags
How to write a story that sucks
Everyone has advice on how to write something that people will want to read. But no one seems to have any wisdom to offer on the opposite end of the spectrum: how to write a story that’s a steaming bucket of ass. So I had to come up with it on my own.
Step One: FUCK Grammar!
Man, screw all those pedantic prescriptivists and their “rules”. English is a living language, yo. ...
6 tags
Rise of the robots
Particularly at times like this, when a computer beats a smart Mormon at Jeopardy!, people like to joke about how computers will eventually take over the world and enslave humanity.
Yeah, right. What do you mean, eventually?
Even semi-literate rednecks who don’t own their own computers and proudly proclaim that they barely know how to use one are still dependent in some way on computers....
7 tags
We'll bring you your cardiac in 20 minutes or less
This morning, I pulled from my mailbox one of those random cardboard turds that companies like to send to everyone in town. It was a mailer from Domino’s Pizza, excitedly announcing that “there’s an app for that” now; Domino’s has its own iPhone app now.
This will be vital information to the tiny subset of New Zealanders who A) have an iPhone at all, and B) have no...
4 tags
Things I remember from August - October 1989
We got kicked out of our humble little trailer on the outskirts of Ferndale, Washington. From what I remember, the woman who owned the place wanted to let her son move in there instead of us. This came at very short notice and left us with no place else to go other than my grandparents’ house, all the way down in Garden Grove, California.
We packed up whatever we could fit into the back...
5 tags
Doc Brown's time machine was better than this
This is the kind of post I’d normally write in my professional capacity, but I’d have to keep it “family friendly” to do so. Fuck that. I’m too pissed off to be nice.
In late 2007, Apple released OS X Leopard, and its “Ooooh, aaaahh” shiny centrepiece feature was Time Machine. Essentially billed as a backup scheme so simple even your caveman grandpa...
How to make Star Wars prequels that don't suck
Hey, look, it’s a nerd on the internet talking about Star Wars. ALERT THE MEDIA.
I love Star Wars, but I don’t love the prequels. Episode III was okay, but not brilliant. Episode II exemplified everything wrong with modern scifi; conspiracies and plots don’t make for compelling viewing, nor do hackneyed romantic subplots. Episode I was pure shit, through and through.
The...